When pursuing a girl, many boys mistakenly believe that “the more proactive, the better”, but they overlook “respecting boundaries” – for instance, frequently sending messages, giving gifts without consent, and inquiring about privacy. These behaviors will make her feel offended and she will keep away from you instead. In fact, respecting her boundaries is the key to winning her favor, making her feel that “you know how to measure yourself and are reliable”.
When Xiaofeng was pursuing the girl Xiaomin, he was very impatient at first: he sent dozens of messages every day, and continued to send even if Xiaomin didn’t reply. After learning Xiaomin’s address, I sent a bunch of flowers to her building without saying a word. Xiaomin felt very pressured and gradually distanced herself from him. Later, Xiaofeng adjusted his approach: when sending messages, he no longer asked “Why didn’t you reply?” If Xiaomin said “I’m busy”, he would say “Then be busy first. We’ll talk about it when you’re done.” When I want to give a gift, I would first ask, “I saw a very cute keychain and think it suits you very well. Do you like it?” Never inquire about Xiaomin’s love history or family privacy. Gradually, Xiaomin felt that Xiaofeng was “very considerate” and began to chat with him on his own initiative, even agreeing to his invitation.
When respecting boundaries, pay attention to “observing her ‘feedback signals'” : If she replies to messages slowly or in a perfunctory tone, reduce the frequency of contact. If she refuses your invitation, don’t ask “why”, but say “It’s okay. Let’s meet again next time if there’s a chance.” Secondly, don’t force her to “change her habits”. For instance, if she likes to “stay at home on weekends”, don’t force her to “go out and socialize”. Instead, say, “Staying at home on weekends is also very comfortable. I recently watched a good movie and recommend it to you.” Finally, “respect ‘refusal'”. If she clearly says “I don’t want to do this”, don’t pester her. Accept it calmly and make her feel “you are reliable”. Respect is the foundation of a relationship. A boy who knows how to measure himself is more likely to make her lower her guard and gradually develop a good impression of him.
