In long-distance relationships, “emotional gap” is an invisible killer – seeing couples holding hands while shopping, one can only chat on the phone. When one is ill and wants someone to take care of them, the other person can only say, “Drink more hot water.” When one is happy and wants to share the joy, the other person is too busy to respond in time. This kind of disparity of “not being by one’s side when needed” can easily lead to loneliness, grievance, and even questioning the relationship. The key to self-regulating the “emotional gap” lies in “accepting emotions, enriching oneself, and proactively creating ‘little joys'”, thereby reducing the “emotional dependence” on the other party.
First of all, “Accept the ‘sense of disparity’ and do not deny your own emotions.” Feeling down when seeing other couples interacting or feeling wronged when sick are all normal emotions. There’s no need to force yourself to be “strong” or “not be sentimental”. You can confide in a friend or write an emotional diary: “Today I saw my colleague being picked up from work by her boyfriend. Suddenly, I missed you very much. If you were here, you would surely bring me milk tea too.” Accepting emotions does not mean “indulging in the negative”, but rather allowing oneself to “truly feel” and avoiding “sudden outbursts” caused by suppressing emotions.
Secondly, it is about “enriching ‘personal life’ and reducing ’emotional gaps'”. Shift your focus from “expecting the other person’s company” to “improving yourself” : cultivate new hobbies, such as learning yoga, painting, or playing the guitar; Expand your social circle and go hiking and visiting exhibitions with friends on weekends. Focus on work or study and strive for promotion and certification. When life is filled with fulfillment, the sense of “loneliness” will be greatly reduced. For instance, when a girl was in a long-distance relationship, she learned flower arrangement and made flower art pieces every week to give to her friends. The sense of achievement during the process made her no longer worry about whether her boyfriend replied to her messages in time. Instead, she would actively share her works with him, allowing him to feel her growth.
The last point is “actively create ‘little joys’ to make up for the gap.” For instance, on the other person’s birthday, secretly order a bunch of flowers and send them to her company, along with a handwritten card: “Although I can’t be by your side, I want everyone to know that you are loved by me.” When I encounter something happy, I record a funny video and send it to the other person, with the caption: “Seeing this moment, I immediately want to share it with you. I hope you are happy too.” When you are ill, buy yourself a favorite dessert and tell yourself, “Even if no one takes care of you, I will still love myself well.” Taking the initiative to create “little joys” can make one feel “loved” in a long-distance relationship, whether from the other person or oneself. It can effectively alleviate the “emotional gap” and make the relationship more stable in the process of “self-satisfaction”.